Wind back to last evening. I spent a few hours babysitting 2 children who, due to the absence of an afternoon nap, were rather temperamental. It particularly struck home with me this evening because someone at my church said on sunday that what children need the most are 1) love and 2) consistency. It's true. Parents pride themselves on having perfected routines. Bed-time especially is a precise science. Some children have bath time every night at 7:00pm (Is this normal? I only remember taking a bath once a week growing up!), and another child I baby-sit for falls asleep every night listening to "Stand by Me" by "Playing for change" on YouTube. If anything breaks from the plan, the child's world implodes. Bad news for everybody.
So I was thinking about this and thinking about my life and how, although I do have a great deal of consistency in my every day life right now, I don't know if I really want it. Traveling is the opposite of consistency. Nothing is normal. Moving from place to place requires one to be flexible and at peace with not knowing the plans for tomorrow or where I'll sleep the next evening. I'm in a season of consistency because of school right now (classes don't change from week to week, nor does the work-load!), but I think I'm ready for a change. I want to live my life (the IN-consistent side of me) a little bit more before I settle down to routine forever.
I came home from babysitting and told Reuben that I changed my mind about having kids anytime soon. I said it kind of jokingly, but it's something that i'm definitely thinking differently about now. Getting married humbles you in so many ways, but having children requires you to die to yourself 1,000x more. Am I ready to commit to that?
So I get to the library book-sale this morning and I wander over to the children's section. I pick out a few titles that I know...and keep looking and discover a few that I don't. Some classics, some not. I wind up taking home a huge stack of children's books, set them down on the kitchen table and tell Reuben that I still feel the same way I did yesterday, but somehow I ended up with all these books. For someday.
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