How to be a Malaysian driver

on Thursday, June 28, 2012
1. Forget turn lanes.  You can turn in them if you want to, but you can also use them for getting a few cars ahead and quickly merging back into traffic.  If the turn lane has the long line, you can make another one by going straight past the line, then quickly stop in the middle of the intersection.  Congratulations, you will have made it to the front of the line, at the expense of blocking all other traffic.  Note: you will get honked at by ME.

2. Red lights are optional.  If the light has just turned red, you go through it anyway.  If there's a break in traffic, you take it.

3. Don't wait for a break in traffic to turn onto busy road.  You will get honked at by the person behind you.  They also might pull up alongside you and make the turn before you.  Just GO.  In fact, the faster you turn onto the road, and the less you think about how not safe this is, the better off you will be.  The cars that are coming do not expect to have to put on their brakes to stop for you.

4. Park anywhere you please.  No space?  No problem.  Double park.  Triple park.  Whatever you need to do to.  Just make sure to leave enough room for at least one car to fit through, on a two way street.  But be sure that you turn in your side-view mirror.

5. An ambulance coming up behind you?  Perfect.  Tailgate it close enough, and you will manage to have smooth sailing through traffic.  Most likely, however, the ambulance will be stuck in the traffic gridlock just like everyone else.  Chances are it's not an emergency, anyway.

6.  No carseat?  No problem.  All you need to do is put a "Baby on Board" bumper sticker on your car. It serves as magical protection your child that is sitting on the dashboard, on the lap of the driver, or is standing out the sunroof.
Baby bumper stickers are more common than carseats